Wine Dogs: Like LOLCatz But Not As Lame

As a wine guru, I’ve been told it is my duty – nay, destiny – to be a watch dog of  other so-called “wine experts” that are out there masquerading as legit sources of info. However this sounds like a lot of work so luckily for me, I only PRETEND to be a wine guru.

Believe it or not, I know next to nothing about wine (although last night, in my proudest moment, someone handed me a glass of wine and I said “is this a Temperanillo?” and I was TOTALLY right). I know…believe me, I know; if you’re a regular reader, this comes as a very serious shock, but it’s true. I’m pretty dense.

As a pretend wine-buff, I feel it is important for me to learn and absorb all I can about this industry and culture. So I did what any professional blogger would do…I asked my mommy.

“You should check out the ‘winery dog’” she said. “They’re all over. Every winery has them.”

Right…because whenever I have a glass of wine, I’m like “Dang! Where’s a dog I can play fetch with?”

But why, fair reader, are these so common around the wine world? And even more so: Why are there so many coffee table books about them???

I’d imagine it’s the same reason there’s a stupid website dedicated to weird pictures of cats with clever (I use the term “clever” very liberally here) captions: People love animals.

This is only magnified by wine, which is also known commonly as the following: “Cupid’s Favorite Drink”, “Love Juice”, “The Cuddle Maker” and of course “Giggle Potion” (PS: All of these are mine. I made them up on the spot. That’s the kind of genius that comes with an advertising career. Everything is copyrighted though so don’t get any ideas).

What I’m having trouble getting at is best summed up by Kevin Kline in the adorable romantic comedy “French Kiss”. Kline says “You see Meg Ryan…in order to make a good wine, you have to enjoy drinking it”. Wine makers enjoy drinking wine, and once the wine is drunken (Wait that’s not right…Drank? Dranked? Guzzled? Yup, it’s guzzled) they want to play with their dog.

Check out www.winedogs.com to learn more about this fetish…I mean habit.

You know those guys who smell their wine? I want to be one of them…

I grew up with brothers. And like most brothers, we were NEVER competitive. That being said; watch me one-up the crap out of my brother here:

The other night, we were camping, and as is the case with most camping trips, we were drinking. Ben took a glass of wine, smelled it and said “It has a great nose”. I mean, who does he think he is? I’m not digging this smug “I actually know things I can say about wine” attitude of his.

Do you know what happened next? I’ll tell you: I stared at him with contempt because I never thought to say something about the “nose” of a wine. I didn’t even know you were allowed to. I didn’t even know that was a thing.

So I stewed for the rest of the weekend…and then I got home…and I studied. I researched wine aroma for two days straight, and I think I’m finally an expert and can’t wait until the next time we pop bottles together so I can flip this on him.

What did I learn? Let me tell you what…not much really. Here’s what I learned:

1. Apparently the smell of wine is more important than the taste, because the tongue can’t pull out the intricacies that we get with the olfactory bulb.
2. Saying things like the “bouquet” or “aroma” of the wine makes you sound like a wine-baller [wine-baller (noun): One who is wicked awesome when it comes to looking like they know wine].
3. Most developments of a wine’s aroma come in the first few months of the fermentation process. This can be manipulated by adding/extracting different compounds and chemicals, however most prominent wine makers tend to trust the grape and their processes to bring out the natural aromas of their process (that’s not Wikipedia…that’s alllllll me).
4. Don’t worry about looking like you’re trying too hard. If you’re actually trying to learn about the wine, smelling it before you sip it is important. Our sense of smell is critical in properly analyzing a glass of wine. To get a good impression of your wine’s aroma, swirl your glass for a solid 10-12 seconds (this helps vaporize some of the wine’s alcohol and release more of its natural aromas) and then take a quick whiff to gain a first impression.
5. Still Smelling. Now stick your nose down into the glass and take a deep inhale through your nose…Get all up in it. Don’t be ashamed, it’s natural. What are your second impressions? Do you smell oak, berry, flowers, vanilla or citrus? A wine’s aroma is an excellent indicator of its quality and unique characteristics. Swirl the wine and let the aromas mix and mingle, and sniff again.

I hope this has helped you in your vino journey. Drink happy my friends (I’m working on a tag line…what do you think? Was that good? It was stupid wasn’t it…sigh…I’ll keep trying).

My apology and pledge

I owe my readers an apology. You deserve better from me and I’ll tell you what I mean: I’ve recently started reading other wine blogs, and I haven’t been living up to the industry standards. In reading these blogs, I’ve found that you’re not a legit wine blogger without using fancy words like “synergy” or “palate” and talking about different parts of a sip of wine like the “crisp finish.”

I’m just a simple man. And until now, I’ve gotten by in life solely on my charm and good looks. Now this may sound ridiculous to you, but keep in mind that my charm and good looks are astounding. This has meant that learning how to properly “identify undertones” and use terms like “it has a delicate nose” when I mean “I don’t smell anything” have been irrelevant to my success as a human being…until now. In order to blog about wine the way other wine experts who would be irate that I just grouped myself into the phrase “wine experts” I need to set the bar higher for my own class and culture.

So here’s my pledge to you:

I’ll learn those fancy words.

I’ll stop saying things like “This pinot noir is wicked awesome”

And finally, I’ll try to figure out what the heck a “finish” is. Is that like when you’re drinking a tall boy of Mickey’s and by the time you get to the bottom it’s warm and the “finish” tastes like a dumpster? I’m guessing that’s what it is.

Anyway, tonight’s dinner with a wine-maker is sold out, so I can’t do a lot to help you out there, but they’re having another one soon.

Wednesday night is game night, and I’ll there with my team, which you may know as the 2-Time Defending Champions. If you feel like adding to our wine rack, come down and lose! Okay full disclosure: We’re without our closer this week. He was called up to the bigs. And by “bigs” I mean “a sales conference in Tuscon”. What I’m saying is you may have a chance, although full disclosure again: we’ve got a ringer to replace him.

We only have a few tables left, so email (kevin@de-vinewines.com) me if you’d like me to reserve one for you. If you reserve a table, I’ll buy your first appetizer of the night.

This weekend I became cultured…but I got better

This weekend spawned a great change in me. I became cultured. I learned how to make my own wine…And then I went to Cabella’s and played shooting and bass fishing games for about three hours while eating elk jerky and wearing my new “Browning” hat.

I was invited down to Classic Winemakers, a winery in down near St. Martin’s University (which we won’t hold against them, one of the owners spent some time at PLU so he gets a pass). Through a coupon on “Living Social” that I’d promote, but you can’t even get it anymore anyway, we got to make 12 bottles of wine for $100. Solid deal if you ask me.

After tasting about 20 different varieties, we landed on a Pinot Noir (one of three different Pinots you can make) and Josh Monti, one of the owners, came in and took us through the process. We did all the work, and he explained what we were doing as we went along, right down to the reason we added oak extract pellets (namely, because a $1200 French Oak barrel wouldn’t really work with a coupon). This is a process I understand more and more winemakers are using, and it was fun to see it in action.

We added the juice, the oak and probably a few more things I can’t remember (if you want to know, go give it a shot! It was a lot of fun), and then stirred them together before creating a vortex in the barrel and adding the yeast.

Once the yeast was added, we sealed it up. The wine will stay at their facility for 4-8 weeks (in the Pinot’s case, four) during which time they’ll keep it under supervision and run tests to make sure it’s progressing nicely.

Once it’s ready to go, we’ll head back down and bottle it ourselves. I even get to design the label, which I’ll tell you right now, is going to be awesome. “A Dragon Fighting an Eagle, but not a Normal Eagle, One Like They Had In The Lord Of The Rings Pinot Noir” is going to be the best thing you’ve ever had. Let me know if you want a bottle!

Also, go check out Classic Winemakers. The prices are great and Josh was great about answering questions.

DeVine Wines Notes: Tastings this week will be on Thursday and Saturday and I’ll make sure to post an update, but sign up for the newsletter on www.de-vinewines.com to get the updates emailed directly to you.

NEXT Wednesday (July 28th at 7PM) will be our next game night, which should be pretty intense. Not to brag, but my team is going for our three-peat.  It will probably be a tough cork to pop though because I hear the mother-daughter squad with a couple wins under their belt is gunnin’ for us, and I have it on good authority that a team of previous champions is now back from fishing in the Arctic and plans on reclaiming their crown.  Let me know if you have any questions or plan on coming! If you reserve a table with me by emailing kevin@de-vinewines.com you’ll get a free appetizer of your choice during the game.

The flavor of my wine will be known as “Sexy”

I think I’ll name my award-winning winery “Giant Eagles Fighting Dragons” Vineyards…

Oh hey guys, I forgot I was supposed to be writing the blog and I was busy putting together my five year plan.

What, you might ask, is my five year plan? Well I’ll tell you, since you were so kind to ask.

1. Go to Classic Winemakers wine-making class in Lacey, Washington and learn how to make my own wine.
2. Use my new-found knowledge of the grape (that’s what real wine experts call it…”the” grape) to start my own vineyard and winery called “Giant Eagles Fighting Dragons” vineyard.
3. Wait 3-to-5 years for my grapes to be ready to and then cash in on my genius.
4. Finally have a legit reason to get my full-back tattoo of a giant eagle and a dragon engaged in a mid-air battle with talons and fire and stuff.

This weekend I’ll be down in Lacey learning how to make and bottle my own wine. I have no clue what this will include but I put the link to the winery’s site above so you can do the research yourself.

I’m just going to show up and sponge up all the knowledge I can, although I don’t know what more they can teach me: I don’t want to brag, but when I was in high school chemistry, the strawberry wine I made won the “best taste” ribbon, and the rumor is that it inspired Deana Carter (listen to more country music, you’ll get the reference).

I’ll make sure to give you a run-down next week about how it went.

In other news: Game Night has been getting so super-awesome that we are going to be hosting it every TWO weeks instead of once a month. You’re welcome.

That means that THIS WEDNESDAY is game night. I want to warn you, my team re-took the crown and my wine rack is full as a result. Does this mean we’ll let someone else win this Wednesday? Absolutely not. We plan on winning again…I’ll get a bigger wine rack.

Side note: My team needs a team name. Something awesome. Any ideas?

I’ll also post this week’s tasting and specials when someone who actually works at the shop gets them to me (yeah, I’m talking to you MOM)…now I’m going to get yelled at for speaking so sarcastically to my mom (sorry mom).

See you soon. Perhaps Wednesday at 7PM if you feel like losing at game night.

I wasn’t slacking, I was letting the blog open up and decant

I owe you an apology. I wish I could blame it on hibernation or a freak gasoline-fight accident that resulted in a month-long ICU visit, but sadly, I’ve just been really busy and haven’t had a chance to drink too much wine.

“What have I been busy doing?” one might ask. And one might be in for an amazing answer that doesn’t at all involve working long hours in a cubicle on websites that are a lot less exciting than a wine blog.

First of all, I realized that I could never run an off-shore sports betting firm. In order to do that, you need to wear lots of gold jewelry and silk shirts. I look better in earth tones.

Then I was busy getting ready for summer camping by reading up on how to fight a bear. Then I fought a bear. That didn’t go so well. If I had to describe the fight in one word, it would probably be “bitey”.

But finally, I’m back, and I’m here for good.

Here are some of the things you can look forward to hearing me ramble on about and/or join me in trying out:

1. Game Night is coming back around. My team didn’t win last month, but that’s only because only half of us were there. We played Scatergories, which is easier with a full team. Everyone had such a good time that we’re playing that again, and trust me (this is mainly directed to the ladies that won)…we’re coming correct this time.
2. This week’s tasting is Ward Johnson Winery . They’re from Queen Anne Hill in Seattle and we’ll taste all four of his wines, a chardonnay, a cab, a merlot and a syrah. When I lived in Queen Anne, I never had the opportunity to try this place, so I’m excited. I hear things. Good things.
3. They’re doing an awesome “World Cup” special right now with Graham Beck Winery. They’re a non-profit South African Winery that supports the natural heritage of the Country and owns and runs a game reserve. We’ve got their Sparkling Brut, a chardonnay-viognier blend and a cabernet sauvignon. We have them available by the bottle and by the glass.

I hope to see some of you there for the tasting Thursday and/or Saturday and if not, I’ll see you for game night next week when I regain the crown.

Upcoming posts will include a better breakdown of the tasting and World Cup special, and more trash talk about game night, in which I may or may not call people out by name.

Why is Tommy’s Bottle Bigger Than Mine?

Have you ever been to an Old Spaghetti Factory? Of course you have. Their garlic butter is delightful. But more importantly, they have wicker-basket-wrapped Chianti bottles as candle-holders, and those are neat.

I was eating there the other day, and I started to think, “why are Chianti bottles shaped that way, and why are some wine bottles shaped other weird ways?” and I realized something: this is a good excuse for me to avoid work today!

So I buckled down…and then I checked Facebook. Then I posted a witty comment on twitter about last night’s Boston-Orlando game. Then I realized I needed some coffee. I spent about 20-minutes getting coffee because our new coffee pot has a touch screen and WiFi so you can read the day’s top headlines as you fill your cup…then I posted a comment on Facebook how awesome that is. And now? Now I’m watching a Youtube video of Eddie Murphy’s 1985 hit single “My Girl Likes to Party All The Time” but after that I’ll be ready to talk about wine bottles.

Okay…lets go.

Turns out, according to The Wine Doctor (which is basically exactly the same as this blog…but based in truth, science and expertise) the bottle shapes are not at all important to the taste or development of your wine. The different bottle shapes you’ll find are more for recognition purposes. The “burgundy” bottle is shaped how it is to offer an easy way to recognize that you’re looking at a burgundy.

These bottle shapes have become regional standards, so they’re not an exact science. You might find various different French wines sharing the same bottle shape, but if you look closely, chances are they’ll be grapes from the same region.

The exception to these standards mainly lies in America. In the New World wines, various European standards have been adopted across the board for recognition purposes that add to people’s comfort level with trying something new. Also, when you see a really funky-shaped bottle, it’s probably American. We don’t have to follow the rules. You’re not the boss of us Europe!

The Wine Doctor has a deeper analysis of different bottle types and the regions they come from here.

Something else you might have noticed: The punt. This is the concave bottom of a wine bottle. It’s conjectured that punts were originally blown into early wine bottles to allow for more stability, especially in hand-blown bottles. Today, it’s an unnecessary inclusion, but it still feels kind of neat. For a deeper look, check out Cellar Notes take on this.

Again, game night is tomorrow and Thursday is the tasting. Come down and get a beating in Scatergories, and then taste some wine on Thursday. I’m not sure who is doing the tasting yet, but I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.

Let me know if you have any questions that you want me to waste time at work researching! Kevin@de-vinewines.com

If you can beat me, I’ll buy you stuff…but you won’t beat me

I’m probably going to taste some wine this week.

There, I said it. Wine Reference: Check. Now I have more important things to talk about. Much more important things. Important things that affect your life in ways you couldn’t possibly understand.

Game Night.

That’s right, game night.

Next Wednesday is the monthly game night at the wine shop, and you know what? You’re probably afraid. You probably should be. And I’m probably awesome at games.

Just ask all the people who my team beat in Pictionary last month. We’ve been drinking all their wine. If you were one of those people, you should know that it was delicious. I especially liked the $35 bottle of William Church someone was so polite to buy in with. You know that you can buy in for an $8 bottle from the discount rack right? Either way, thank you.

Now, I’ll probably get yelled at for the snarky tone I used there, but this is trash talk, so I don’t care. I’ll do it anyway.

Game Night starts at 7PM on Wednesday the 26^th, and this month we’ll be playing Scatergories. I’d tell you to bring your best team, but it doesn’t matter.

I’m issuing a personal challenge. If anyone beats my team at Scatergories next week, I’ll PERSONALLY buy you a bottle of wine and two appetizers for the night. That’s confidence. You might want to just stay home.

I’ll be reminding you about this on Facebook all week, but I just wanted you to know early…you’re going to lose. If you have any questions on the details of the walloping you’re in for if you come, email me at any time. Kevin@de-vinewines.com. You’re also welcome to join the trash talk on facebook by becoming a fan.

Seacrest out.

Tannin: I ask the tough questions, like “Hey, what is this stuff?”

Saddle up boys and girls. It’s Bill Nye the Science Guy time. Hop on this Magic School Bus and we’ll take a trip through the…um…Sesame Street.

Sorry, I ran out of educational children’s TV shows and my lead-in kind of suffered for it. But that’s alright; today we’re going to get into some sciencey stuff about tannins.

“Tannin” is derived from the Latin word “Tannin” which is roughly translated to mean “Griffey for President!” but scholars maintain different interpretations on this fact. Also, there’s some debate on the validity of the word “fact” in the previous sentence.

Boring Definition Ahead: Tannins are astringent, bitter plant polyphenols that either bind and precipitate or shrink proteins and various other organic compounds including amino acids and alkaloids. The astringency from the tannins is what causes the dry and puckery feeling in the mouth when you drink red wine. Likewise, the destruction or modification of tannins with time plays an important role in the aging of wine and the ripening of fruit.

Wow…okay I have no clue what the Encyclopedia Britannica entry I just regurgitated for you actually means…there were a lot of big words in there. In retrospect, my translation of “tannin” may have been a little off as well. I think it’s time we go to the expert: Mom (aka Paula Shively, owner of DeVine Wines and Wine Bar). It was a very enlightening conversation.

Editor’s Note: Some of the details of this conversation may have been altered…like the fact that it actually happened and wasn’t just an email she sent that Kevin formatted to look like a conversation because he’s too lazy to write anything original.

Kevin: Hi Mom.

Mom: Hi Kev (she calls me Kev).

Kevin: Drop some tannin knowledge on me.

Mom: Well you’re pretty smart, I’m sure you know almost everything about anything, but I’ll do what I can.

Kevin: It’s true, nothing you say will be new to me. I’m a wine expert…but the other people out there need to learn too, and I’m not so smug that I don’t want to help them along their journey as well.

Mom: How courageous and selfless of you. And just so you know, you’re like the best son ever. Way cooler than your brothers.

Kevin: I know, but I this isn’t about me. This is about tannins. Tell me a little about them.

Mom: Tannin, as you know is a natural substance found in the skins, stems and seeds of all grapes. How much of the tannin is found in a particular bottle of wine depends on the winemaker.

Kevin: Interesting, tell me more. What affects the tannin levels of a wine?

Mom: Tannin levels are affected by several things: how the grapes are crushed/pressed and de-stemmed can make a huge difference. Grapes that are very gently pressed or de-stemmed by hand will have lower levels of tannin, while grapes that are pressed/crushed hard or with machinery tend to have higher levels of tannin. Grapes that are left in contact with the skins for a longer time during the winemaking process will have higher levels of tannin. Oak barrels will impart some tannin as well, so longer barrel aging will create higher tannin levels. Winemakers experiment with each of these aspects in order to find the right levels for the wine they are creating.

Kevin: How can I tell when a wine is especially tannic?

Mom: We recognize tannin in wine by the way it makes our mouth pucker and feel dried out, even though we have wine in our mouth. If you have ever had strong tea you get the same sensation, because tea has tannin. Bite into a grape seed and you get that bitter, astringent taste. That’s tannin. Chew on apple skin – same thing.

Kevin: Wow. Does tannin do anything positive for a wine?

Mom: Yes. Tannin adds structure and texture to a wine – and higher levels of tannin will tend to help a wine age for longer periods than a low tannin wine. Winemakers who want their wine to age for several years know that they need a good tannin structure to hold the wine. Over the years the tannin will soften and mellow. That’s why, when you have the pleasure of tasting a bottle that has aged for a long time, it is usually so silky and soft.

Kevin: So, with all that info, what would you say is the consensus on tannic wines? Do people love them or hate them?

Mom: Some wine enthusiasts love high tannin levels in their wine. They love the feel in their mouth when the tannin is high. Others don’t care for this taste at all. That’s the beauty of wine – its so personal.

Kevin: Wow, the people who don’t know as much as me probably learned a ton there! Thanks Mom!

Mom: No, thank you Kevin. You’re truly an inspiration to us all.

If you have tannin or other wine related questions, feel free to email me at Kevin@de-vinewines.com or just post it to the facebook fan page.

Be honest, it’s Friday afternoon and you’re mentally checked out…you’re thinking about Happy Hour

Right now, I’m sitting in an office, staring at a screen with an outlook calendar and another with a website performance chart. My brow is furrowed, my gaze intent. And to anyone passing by, I look like I’m deep into something really “workey”…And yes, I realize that “workey” is not a real word…yet.

Lucky for you, this is all a ruse. I never furrow my brow when I’m actually working. I’m really thinking about wine (don’t pretend you’re not…it’s 3 o’ clock on a Friday).

This week, we’re tasting Langetwins Winery out of California. The thing that caught my eye about this winery? Every bottle is only thirteen bucks!

That’s hard to top. I’m pretty sure the wine that comes in a box is ringing up steeper than that these days and this is a recession! I’m trying to save you some coin. At these prices, this is a good wine to stock your wine rack with. Buy a mixed case and receive 10% off. Wine club members, you get 15% off.

You’re not a member? Don’t look at me with those big puppy dog eyes, I’m a sucker for that. Just go to www.de-vinewines.com and join up!

Another thing I like about Langetwins is that they’re a fifth-generation farming family. I’m told they’ve been making good wine perennially, or for my less vocabulary-equipped friends, they’ve been making it for a while.

We’ll be tasting the Sauvignon Blanc, Chardonnay, Zinfandel, Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot. This excited me too because I actually know what these are. The tasting will be from 1-4 Saturday afternoon. This is a perfect start to a date or just an escape from the kids while they throw water balloons at the cat.

Mention how awesome this blog is during the tasting and receive an extra 25% off your appetizers!

If you can’t make it, don’t sweat it, but if you can, it should be good. Plus, we’ve got 70-degree weather so that means you can sit out on the patio with a glass of Chardonnay and watch the people walk out of hot yoga expecting relief, realize that it’s still warm outside, and then they’ll try to cry…although they won’t be able to because they just sweat out the reserves in their tear-ducts. Don’t get me wrong, hot yoga seems like a great work out, but it looks awful doesn’t it?

Hey look at that! Happy Hour starts in an hour! Crazy how that works. See you at the tasting!

I don’t usually post the specials up here because…well…that requires a lot more work than I like to do, but they really have some good ones right now on the discount rack, and if you’re like me, during the summer you have more people over so things go quicker. Here they are, straight from the newsletter which you can sign up for on www.de-vinewines.com as well…notice the theme?

This Week’s Super Values!!!

Need something for an everyday house wine? Want something special? Having a party this weekend and don’t want to break the bank? We have fantastic deals on our $15 and under rack! Mix and match a case to get the best deal at 10% off. We also offer 5% off on a 6 bottle pack.

Los Rochas Garnacha, Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc, Bouchard Aine & Fils Pinot Noir, Olivares Rosé, Arbor Crest Cliff House Red, Hudson Shah Malbec, Cline Viognier, Louis Martini Sonoma Select Cabernet Sauvignon, Sterling Limited Release Chardonnay, Sterling Limited Release Merlot, Martin Codax Rioja,…Just to name a few. These are selling like hotcakes, and if we are out of some of them, we will have them back in by tomorrow or again next week.

Don’t forget that you can simply put in an order for any wine you would like ~ that way you don’t have to worry about whether or not it will be in stock when you come in. Sometimes it is impossible to know what wine will fly off the shop on any given day! So feel free to place an order if you don’t see it on the shelf. There is no extra charge for a special order, no minimum quantity, discounts still apply, and we can usually have your wine here within a week.