My apology and pledge

I owe my readers an apology. You deserve better from me and I’ll tell you what I mean: I’ve recently started reading other wine blogs, and I haven’t been living up to the industry standards. In reading these blogs, I’ve found that you’re not a legit wine blogger without using fancy words like “synergy” or “palate” and talking about different parts of a sip of wine like the “crisp finish.”

I’m just a simple man. And until now, I’ve gotten by in life solely on my charm and good looks. Now this may sound ridiculous to you, but keep in mind that my charm and good looks are astounding. This has meant that learning how to properly “identify undertones” and use terms like “it has a delicate nose” when I mean “I don’t smell anything” have been irrelevant to my success as a human being…until now. In order to blog about wine the way other wine experts who would be irate that I just grouped myself into the phrase “wine experts” I need to set the bar higher for my own class and culture.

So here’s my pledge to you:

I’ll learn those fancy words.

I’ll stop saying things like “This pinot noir is wicked awesome”

And finally, I’ll try to figure out what the heck a “finish” is. Is that like when you’re drinking a tall boy of Mickey’s and by the time you get to the bottom it’s warm and the “finish” tastes like a dumpster? I’m guessing that’s what it is.

Anyway, tonight’s dinner with a wine-maker is sold out, so I can’t do a lot to help you out there, but they’re having another one soon.

Wednesday night is game night, and I’ll there with my team, which you may know as the 2-Time Defending Champions. If you feel like adding to our wine rack, come down and lose! Okay full disclosure: We’re without our closer this week. He was called up to the bigs. And by “bigs” I mean “a sales conference in Tuscon”. What I’m saying is you may have a chance, although full disclosure again: we’ve got a ringer to replace him.

We only have a few tables left, so email (kevin@de-vinewines.com) me if you’d like me to reserve one for you. If you reserve a table, I’ll buy your first appetizer of the night.

This weekend I became cultured…but I got better

This weekend spawned a great change in me. I became cultured. I learned how to make my own wine…And then I went to Cabella’s and played shooting and bass fishing games for about three hours while eating elk jerky and wearing my new “Browning” hat.

I was invited down to Classic Winemakers, a winery in down near St. Martin’s University (which we won’t hold against them, one of the owners spent some time at PLU so he gets a pass). Through a coupon on “Living Social” that I’d promote, but you can’t even get it anymore anyway, we got to make 12 bottles of wine for $100. Solid deal if you ask me.

After tasting about 20 different varieties, we landed on a Pinot Noir (one of three different Pinots you can make) and Josh Monti, one of the owners, came in and took us through the process. We did all the work, and he explained what we were doing as we went along, right down to the reason we added oak extract pellets (namely, because a $1200 French Oak barrel wouldn’t really work with a coupon). This is a process I understand more and more winemakers are using, and it was fun to see it in action.

We added the juice, the oak and probably a few more things I can’t remember (if you want to know, go give it a shot! It was a lot of fun), and then stirred them together before creating a vortex in the barrel and adding the yeast.

Once the yeast was added, we sealed it up. The wine will stay at their facility for 4-8 weeks (in the Pinot’s case, four) during which time they’ll keep it under supervision and run tests to make sure it’s progressing nicely.

Once it’s ready to go, we’ll head back down and bottle it ourselves. I even get to design the label, which I’ll tell you right now, is going to be awesome. “A Dragon Fighting an Eagle, but not a Normal Eagle, One Like They Had In The Lord Of The Rings Pinot Noir” is going to be the best thing you’ve ever had. Let me know if you want a bottle!

Also, go check out Classic Winemakers. The prices are great and Josh was great about answering questions.

DeVine Wines Notes: Tastings this week will be on Thursday and Saturday and I’ll make sure to post an update, but sign up for the newsletter on www.de-vinewines.com to get the updates emailed directly to you.

NEXT Wednesday (July 28th at 7PM) will be our next game night, which should be pretty intense. Not to brag, but my team is going for our three-peat.  It will probably be a tough cork to pop though because I hear the mother-daughter squad with a couple wins under their belt is gunnin’ for us, and I have it on good authority that a team of previous champions is now back from fishing in the Arctic and plans on reclaiming their crown.  Let me know if you have any questions or plan on coming! If you reserve a table with me by emailing kevin@de-vinewines.com you’ll get a free appetizer of your choice during the game.

The flavor of my wine will be known as “Sexy”

I think I’ll name my award-winning winery “Giant Eagles Fighting Dragons” Vineyards…

Oh hey guys, I forgot I was supposed to be writing the blog and I was busy putting together my five year plan.

What, you might ask, is my five year plan? Well I’ll tell you, since you were so kind to ask.

1. Go to Classic Winemakers wine-making class in Lacey, Washington and learn how to make my own wine.
2. Use my new-found knowledge of the grape (that’s what real wine experts call it…”the” grape) to start my own vineyard and winery called “Giant Eagles Fighting Dragons” vineyard.
3. Wait 3-to-5 years for my grapes to be ready to and then cash in on my genius.
4. Finally have a legit reason to get my full-back tattoo of a giant eagle and a dragon engaged in a mid-air battle with talons and fire and stuff.

This weekend I’ll be down in Lacey learning how to make and bottle my own wine. I have no clue what this will include but I put the link to the winery’s site above so you can do the research yourself.

I’m just going to show up and sponge up all the knowledge I can, although I don’t know what more they can teach me: I don’t want to brag, but when I was in high school chemistry, the strawberry wine I made won the “best taste” ribbon, and the rumor is that it inspired Deana Carter (listen to more country music, you’ll get the reference).

I’ll make sure to give you a run-down next week about how it went.

In other news: Game Night has been getting so super-awesome that we are going to be hosting it every TWO weeks instead of once a month. You’re welcome.

That means that THIS WEDNESDAY is game night. I want to warn you, my team re-took the crown and my wine rack is full as a result. Does this mean we’ll let someone else win this Wednesday? Absolutely not. We plan on winning again…I’ll get a bigger wine rack.

Side note: My team needs a team name. Something awesome. Any ideas?

I’ll also post this week’s tasting and specials when someone who actually works at the shop gets them to me (yeah, I’m talking to you MOM)…now I’m going to get yelled at for speaking so sarcastically to my mom (sorry mom).

See you soon. Perhaps Wednesday at 7PM if you feel like losing at game night.